Amity

What’s the difference?
Unpredictable and dangerous
Are conflated, amalgamated
With afraid.
And what’s the difference?
This existence and reality
Are both verging upon merging
With a dream.

And where do devils end and gods begin,
Where do you draw the line
When both are thirsty, craving for blood sacrifice?

Bite me, I must be dreaming,
Tear my flesh clean off the bone.
Why is it so relieving
To melt in mouths like honeycomb?
Bite me, ‘cause I’m still reeling,
Ground me with your sharp embrace.
How are you so deceiving,
That your hands round my neck still feel like home?

Now, what’s the difference
Between hedonists and narcissists?
Both chase pleasure, every measure
For self-gain.
And what’s the difference
Animalistic and an animal?
Praise the concept, instinct a godsend
Til it breathes.

And where do devils end and gods begin,
Where do you draw the line
When both are thirsty, craving for blood sacrifice?

Bite me, I must be dreaming,
Tear my flesh clean off the bone.
Why is it so relieving
To melt in mouths like honeycomb?
Bite me, ‘cause I’m still reeling,
Ground me with your sharp embrace.
How are you so deceiving,
That your hands round my neck still feel like home?
Still feel like home, still feel like-

Jaws around my brain,
Must be why I’m still yours, you’ve staked your claim.
Left marks in my skull, left scars in my heart,
Under kinder gaze, I fall apart.

Bite me, I must be dreaming,
Teeth gently graze my soul.
Why is it so revealing
To not be under your control?
Bite me, ‘cause I still need it,
Craving the sting and pain.
Why am I so uneasy
When in these gentler arms I feel at home?
I feel at home, I feel at home, I feel at home, I feel at home, I feel at home.

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I am used to being loved oh so fiercely
It leaves bruises to bloom on my skin.
I am used to being loved without mercy,
So forgive me for breaking when you walked in.

And in the spaces between conversations,
Our words are lost, and I am found in their place.
Isn’t it strange that I’m afraid?

I am used to being used as a punchbag,
For catharsis, a means to an end.
I am used to being used as a fallback,
So forgive my distrust of your good intent.

And in the spaces between conversations,
Our words are lost, and I am found in their place.
Isn’t it strange that I’m afraid?

I’ve spent so long being misunderstood
That you tell me I’m good,
And I turn away.
I’ve spent so long being battered and hurt that
When you tell me I’m worth it,
There’s an aftertaste.
‘Cause you treat me like a person and I’m not sure I’m deserving,
Still I wonder if I can be saved.
But I am used to being hated,
And for years I have wasted away,
Smeared with the ashes of the mess that they made
Of my brain.

And in the spaces between conversations,
Our words are lost, and I am found in their place.
Isn’t it strange that I’m afraid
To be known? To be known? To be known?

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Hurricane heart,
You tore the roof right off my soul.
Winter-brushed skin,
Why were your hands always so cold?
Venomous tongue,
How could you bear to spin lies instead of gold? You’ve got me under control,
I hardly knew what you looked like then, but if I saw you again,
I’d know.

And you’d devastate my daydreams,
Desecrate my thoughts,
And douse me in gasoline.
You’d suck the life from my breath,
Crawl into my lungs,
I would have been much better off without your “love”.
I would have been much better off without your “love”.
I would have been much better off without your “love”.

Sickly sharp teeth,
You dug your fangs into my veins.
Death-tainted eyes,
Crying your tears of acid rain.
Sulphurous blood,
How could you carry the weight of all the pain that you’d pour into my brain?
I hardly carried my own back then, but I’d still do it again
Just to try to save you.

But you’d devastate my daydreams,
Desecrate my thoughts,
And douse me in gasoline.
You’d suck the life from my breath,
Crawl into my lungs,
I would have been much better off without your “love”.
I would have been much better off without your “love”.
I would have been much better off without your “love”.

And despite it all,
Though you were my downfall,
I’d still come crawling back to you.
Despite the ache,
Though I still adore you,
I’ll always hate the things you’d do.
Stealing my mind, snatching my breath,
Ripping my heart straight out of my chest.
You were a war, and I was a child in the crossfire,
Blinded by your desire.
I mistook your violence for affection,
Never once did I doubt your intentions.
I mistook your bloodlust for protection,
Your obsession was loving attention.
And I miss the way you would praise me
When I would give in,
You made my head spin.
And I miss the way you would crave me,
You’re under my skin,
Still pulling your strings, it’s amazing
How you still have hands inside my skull,
Hurricane heart, why are your hands so cold?

And you devastate my daydreams,
Desecrate my thoughts,
And douse me in gasoline.
You suck the life from my breath,
Crawl into my lungs,
I would have been much better off without your “love”.
I would have been much better off without your “love”.
I would have…

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They say we’re made of stardust,
Perhaps that’s why I seem to combust when I feel.
Though emotions pass like river flow,
I still can’t seem to let go of what isn’t real.

Aren’t I too young to feel like this,
In a constant state of existential crisis?

And when my heartbeat stills and my breath returns to the world I stole it from,
When my bones grow old and my memories fade and my time here’s almost gone,
I’ll reminisce on all I’ve done and think of how ephemeral it was.
It was, oh, it was.

They say my songs are ear worms,
But they’ll forget and leave them in the dirt eventually.
I still hope I make a difference
That will live on past my fragile human body.

Aren’t I too young to wonder when
My fleeting time here will come to an end?

And when my heartbeat stills and my breath returns to the world I stole it from,
When my bones grow old and my memories fade and my time here’s almost gone,
I’ll reminisce on all I’ve done and think of how ephemeral it was.
It was, oh, it was.

And as love and happiness are short lived,
So too is the storm,
And every kindness that you give
Helps someone carry on.
Pain will come and pain will go,
Everything has an end.
Worlds will crumble, stars explode,
But life begins again.

And when my heartbeat stills and my breath returns to the world I stole it from,
I’ll realise that the love I give is never truly gone,
And lying there beneath the stars, I’ll think of how perennial it was.
Oh, it was, it was.

They say we’re made of stardust,
Perhaps that’s why it only takes a gust to blow me away.

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